He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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