I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
