so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you never un-have a 4some
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
