Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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