im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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