God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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