He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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