My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
