I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
