I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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