You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fuck appropriateness.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
