Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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