you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am one with the molecules
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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