"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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