Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
