i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
