the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone signed my nipple.
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