Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to make out with him forever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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