he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
