I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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