this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
