My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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