Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
