I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
