He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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