either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
