oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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