can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
