Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
