sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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