I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
