Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
