I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
