Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
