Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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