Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
