I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
