I'm really into asian looking animals
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
