shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
