ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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