I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize