It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
