Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
