if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm really busy with my period
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