i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
