apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I will be naked everywhere
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
