gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
