Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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