Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
