I got chris browned last night
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
