why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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